I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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