and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
