in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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