you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
