U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
