I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
