You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
