I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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