Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
