dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
