They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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