I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
