Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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