Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
