I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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