hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
