just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
