Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
