I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
