Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
