I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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