I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
