i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
