Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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