So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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