I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
