The maid of honor just puked.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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