Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
