She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize