cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize