I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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