If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
