allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
