Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She needs sedatives and a leash
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
