shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Acid is not a monday night drug
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
