Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
