Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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