just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
