Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
