this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
