Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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