she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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