my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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