my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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