new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
