If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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