All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
