im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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