I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
