Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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