Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
