I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
