SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
