I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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