She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
