I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
