There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
