the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
