Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
