I want to have your abortion
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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