No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
