Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
