So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
foreskin is a definite game changer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
