I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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