I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
