We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize