My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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