Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize