Your dad touched me again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
