Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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