It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
