I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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