i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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